Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Scabs and Scars

Lets talk a bit about being vulnerable.  Based on its constant recurrence in my life it is apparently a theme I need to explore. I think this is the spark that started the ball rolling around inside my head.  My most recent visit to Dr. Curmudgeon added fuel to this fire. Then as I read other bloggers who share such painful events in their lives, openly and freely.  I am empowered that I can share my whole life here too. (I share the interworkings of my reproductive organs, I should be able to share my jacked up life, right?)

I started this blog as a way to find my own voice.  It was a therapeutic way to define who I was and to build a place that allows me to be comfortable with that person.  I have given thought to writing more about what brought me to Dr. Curmudgeon so many years ago.  He has encouraged this, but I wonder if its for his own entertainment.  What stops me is that I am not sure how to tell my story with the supporting cast of characters.  At the time I was very defensive and angry, oh the anger.  Also, I am innately brutally honest.  So how do I tell the stories that rumble around my head without hurting others?

One would think that if the stories are told without the intention of hurting other people than it won't.  But you don't understand that I have surrounded myself with people who have this God-given talent to read between lines and see things that aren't always there and to create truth where it doesn't exist. 

So tying this back to vulnerability.  Do I take the leap of fuck-it and tell MY story  regardless of the opinions of people who don't even know this site exists?  Am I ready to take that leap?  The part that just totally sucks is that there is no one to tell me what to do.  Apparently I'm supposed to be confident enough in myself and my writing to make this decision. 

On my own. 

Are you kidding me?

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