Wednesday, May 26, 2010


If a meal is made from scratch is it better?  More elegant?  Higher quality?  So are my mac and cheese and peanut butter gourmet???

Monday, May 24, 2010

My aching bacon

This is a vicious cycle. I hurt. All over. 

I woke up this morning feeling like I had been beaten by big ugly ogres in the middle of the night AFTER drinking an entire bottle of 3 Buck Chuck. So natural deduction is that I had become sedentary after having The Boy. All of my muscle have atrophied and the simple act of moving hurts. So I assume that working out would alleviate this, right? Well how the fuck am I to get motivated to get into plank position and then downward dog when it fucking hurts to get up off the couch??? Riddle me that Fat Man. (Yes I know its Batman, but Fat man seemed more "punny"..heehee) BUT - I did it. I sounded like a fucking porn with all the heavy breathing on the floor and all but I queued up a yoga program on On-Demand and breathed my way through a pounding head and charlie horses in the arches of my feet. We'll see how it goes to night.

Bring it on ogre bitches!

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Words words words...

I have been told by my therapist (and when he tells me things I try and listen since I pay him money to tell me things) that I put a lot of weight into words. And I know this to be true. I think that there is the right word to explain a lot of things. I just need to figure that word out. And I will tell you that you are wrong if I don’t think that you’ve used the right word. Its snotty probably. But I know this to be true.

Monday, May 17, 2010

Road trips…

I love road trips. I love the packing up and the anticipation of a new adventure. But mainly,I love the conversation you have on road trips. Its typically forced because the silence is ypically filled with tvs, cell phones, internet and other distractions. Road trips force you to stop and look around you and talk to the person next to you. I fell in love with my husband during a road trip so I might be partial. There are some people, though, that hate road trips. They want to get to point B in as little time as possible. I often wonder what they are hiding that could be found out on a road trip.

I also love to see some of the stuff that you would never see if you flew. We live in some beautiful country. Nature does some amazing things. Just when one stretch of road seems mundane, let the seasons change and there is something new. We drove a chunk of highway that we’ve driven numerous times before but usually in the dead of summer. This time, in the beautiful month of May, I saw 500 different shades of green while the trees were coming back to life. Breath taking.

But as this road trip winds down and we’re about an hour and a half away from our house that has our 2 dogs waiting patiently on our big, soft bed and my four month old is bawling his eyes out and making himself choke from crying so hard and my back feels like shit from sitting cramped in the back seat and the sun is pouring through the window and is baking the side of my face and I kinda have to pee but we're too close to stop now........I am thinking that we should look into the frequent flyer miles.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

New Day New Perspective

From the moment my feet hit the ground in the morning I'm going. I feel like that Minute to Win It game when they have to keep all the balloons in the air, but instead of 60 seconds it's forever. I know that this is how it's suppose to be and I willingly signed up for this. I know that this is what thousands of women do, day in and day out. Sometimes it hits me and knocks me flat on my emotional ass. Last night was one of those nights. I'm sorry I take it out on you.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

I'm No Expert But....

We have one of those Couple friends. You know those friends, where Party A or Party B of a set was friends with Party A or Party B of the other set prior to the coupulation. And now that we’re all paired up we must then be all friends together. I’m not saying that I wouldn’t be friends with my couple friends individually but there is usually a stronger bond with one party and not both. So anyways, my husband’s friend got married to a chick we’ll just call Poopy Pants for reasons we don’t really need to divulge here. So Poopy Pants has had many transitions of personal development in the few years that we’ve known her. She started off plain like oatmeal and then morphed into a Biker Chick (complete with the title of Old Lady)and then Mary Kay Lady (sample basket in the spare room) and now she Super Mom of 3. I have no problem with anything of this because she is relatively a nice person and has the best of intentions.

My beef is that she posts all the time on Facebook and she can’t spell. This might sound judgemental, but here is the part that gets me.....she has made the decision to home school her children. Yep, like chewing tin foil huh? She has decided that despite her lack of college education, she is the best option to mold her children’s minds. Despite years of training and education for teachers and knowledge of classroom management and early childhood development and learning methodologies she and her reasonably intelligent husband believe that she is the obvious choice for her providing the building blocks of intellect in their children. She doesn’t know the difference between there, their and they’re or you’re and your or allowed and aloud. So what else doesn't she know? Math? Science? HIstory? Oh, good Lord.

Now for her next persona....The Professor!

Monday, May 10, 2010


Why do you use so many office supplies? Why is it necessary to use whole stickies to protect the top of a rough draft letter from the possibility of marks left by paper clips. Why do you have to use 3 paperclips to hold together a 6 page document? Are the pages alive and need to be restrained?? Why do you require three 15 minute phone calls to 2 different people in order to draft a form letter? Just fill in the goddamn blanks like we told you to. You know that line that says ADDRESS? Well take a fucking leap of faith and put the ever-lovin’ address there.

Its only Monday and I should not want to kill you over your inability to keep a consistent font size until maybe Wednesday. We’re not expecting that you work miracles here, we’re just hoping for some remedial intelligence that would allow you to do the entry-level job you fucking get paid to do.

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Getting It Out and Down

I’ve been contemplating writing a blog. So I started just perusing other blogs and found that apparently you can only have a blog if you’re a mother of a baby or toddler, scrapbook, knit, sew, crochet (pretty much any craft-like ability is acceptable as long as you display your talents on said web site) or want to share coupons. I guess I fall into anyone of these categories. But I decided that I want to write about something else. So the natural next question is what do you want to write about? I don’t know. Stuff. Stuff I think is funny. Someone else might find it funny too.

My first step is maybe just to write. Can I get my thoughts out of my head and into words and then get those words in to sentences and have it all come together to convey something to someone reading.

I don’t know but I’m gonna give it a shot. Let me know how I'm doing.

Saturday, May 8, 2010

How It Began

I have some funny thoughts. I always feel the need to share them with people near me. This has gotten me into trouble many times. This has gotten me and the other person into trouble. Let us not talk about the infamous Thing One Thing Two shenanigans of 2001. Needless to say, I don’t learn my lesson. My therapist even says that I need to work on not saying everything out loud. So here I am contemplating a blog. I am pretty thickheaded.