Friday, January 27, 2012

Handful of Blessings to Foster Your Own

As I have touched on a time or two, The Husband and I struggled with fertility.  We worked for a year before we got pregnant.  I had a very uneventful pregnancy and in a wild flare of drama at the end we successfully had Levi.  Looking at our lives before and after him, I am repeatedly reminded how luck we are to have this little tornado in our lives. 
While we dealt with our fertility, I took refuge and comfort in an online community of other women diagnosed with PCOS.  I made many friends during our time there who I still keep in contact.  Some went along the pregnancy route along with me and others stayed among the TTC (trying to conceive) to become the AARP of TTC and some jumped to the adoption threads.  How ever their individual stories evolved, I have been blessed to have these very inspirational women along with me on my own path.  While I don't know these women, couldn't pick them out of a line up or know what their voices sound like, we shared very intimate details of an emotional journey.  They were there for me all along the way to share the hurt and disappointment and to tell me in no certain terms that I could get back up and keep going. The best part, when I go back there I am still accepted without question. 
I have one friend who started her fertility journey a little bit before me and announced in November that she was very excitedly expecting twins in June.  Today I found out that she prematurely delivered both boys who died shortly after.  Words will never be able to express the sadness I have for her.  The guilt I have for having successfully gotten pregnant and delivered a healthy baby.  I feel blessed to have him and want to give a handful of that blessing to her. 
We are faced with crappy things every day.  Unemployment, bills, debt, traffic, anxiety, health, bad relationships.  So many things that make it hard to remember that we have really great things, big and small around us.  I don't want my friends to suffer losses big and small so that I can remember all that is good in my life.  So here are some good things I remembered this morning....
1. My husband is a great person who not only gets my humor but laughs out loud. And he would totally go to couples counseling if we needed it.   
2. My hair these days looks awesome the day after washing it
3. I don't work Fridays!
4. Friends are the people who like you for who you are and want to share their life with you. Even if you don't have things in common.
5. Levi brushed his teeth without a fight this morning.  With three different toothbrushes.
Last but not least...

Monday, January 23, 2012

Day 40

So after 41 days of unemployment, I started a temporary job today.  Its for a software company in their marketing department....well one of many marketing department.  Each product apparently has their own marketing department.  Seems odd...almost illogical, but who am I?  Let me tell you who I am!  I am finally a financially contributing member of this family!!  YAY PAYCHECK!
So like I said its a temporary job and I'm not sure how long that will be so trying to absorb as much info as possible to build my skill set and bank as much moolah in the savings to get us through the next financial drought.  Not really letting myself think, well maybe they'll like me and hire me because that just makes a person feel shitty when they don't get picked.  And if that said person is in therapy already...well shitty could edge its way into suicidal. 
So lets keep it light and fluffy!  Work Yay!  Levi back to daycare Yay!  Paying our billings Yay!

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Second trip around the sun

Today my baby turned two.  Holy cow. I have a toddler.  My baby is chronologically gone.  As I've stated before he will forever be my baby regardless of the calendar, but holy cow.  We took the rail off his bed and boom his crib is a toddler bed.  Holy cow. 

We went to Barnes & Noble and we bought potty books.  The Superhero Potty Time, A Potty for Me, and the wildly popular, Every body poops.  Even though my husband and I are adults we both giggled and pointed at all the pictures of the pooping drawings.  The 13 year old in me was slightly shocked that the baby had a penis in the drawing but the adult in me turned the page. 

The Boy also got underwear for his birthday.  I wanted to put a pair on him and take a picture but he decided to put on all six pairs.  He is super excited about his underwear that have balls on them.  Basketballs, footballs, and baseball. balls!  They are fabulous!  Anyways, we're gonna start the potty training...holy cow. Holy cow!  How the hell do you teach someone to pee in a stupid pot?? 

So this for Levi My Love.....
Levi my love, you test me on a daily basis.  And just when I think I am not up for the task or have some how failed, you smile at me, grab my face and kiss me with more slobber and teeth than your father in high school.  You light up my life and then promptly call me Daddy.  You amaze me how you listen and understand.  You are so loving, to me, to Daddy, to the dogs (even the one who growls at you) and even people in the store.  You will climb anything and you can figure out how pretty much anything works, much like your Daddy.  Where you excel the most is your ability to communicate without really talking.  Oh you can, but you really choose not to. I am learning that this is your greatest strength....stubbornness, much like your Mommy.  Your next journey around the sun will be filled with adventures for all of us.  As our worlds grow bigger with you I look forward to ever morning, every obstacle, every triumph and every bedtime. 

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Strong Enough

So like many bloggers, I love Dooce.  I follow her religiously and one of my many personalities wants to be her when I grow up.  So when she announced her separation today I was shocked. 

So The Husband and I are going through a hard time in our lives.  Me being unemployed takes its toll me and the bank account.  Then being home all day in yoga pants and sports bra and no workout in sight added to the fact that I spend all day with this little kid that we made and I think about disassembling who calls me Daddy all day long...well it all takes its told on our relationship.  I pray that we make it through and we're stronger on the other side.

When you see other couples who you think have it all figured out and you're trying to emulate them and then BOOM they're separated.....what hope do we have?  I hope that Dooce and Blurbomat find their way individually and find each other on the other side.   

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Save me from myself

So you know when you're working and you think that there are all these things you want to do if you didn't work?  Well I need to embrace that this is my time to do all those things.  SO maybe the budget won't let us to travel right now, but hey I washed my dishwasher today.  How amazing is that? I literally washed an appliance that we have (like every other American) that is to be used to wash our dishes.   And then because The Boy pulled open the drawer under the stove I decided to clean there to.  You could eat under my stove right now and take a nap in my dishwasher. 

Saturday, January 7, 2012

Day 25

Still here.  Still unemployed. I had a really good response to my resume the week before Christmas and then it all died.  Once everyone came back to work this week I started getting more responses.  But the depression between then and now was horrible.  Thank God the holidays were here and I had things to do and people to see.  I was busy.  But on the same token I had no money to do the things I wanted to do.  I literally had an anxiety attack while purchasing the Santa gift for The Boy.  I wanted to do all this baking but I was afraid to spend the money to puchase the chocolate chips and the sugar and the everything.  I have never been in the position.  I didn't know how to explain that to my family.  I still don't.