I can't remember if I ever mentioned this on here but last November I had my first panic attack mid-flight, which translates to somewhere over Iowa. It was horrific and I am not exaggerating whatsoever. Its not like I saw something or someone on the wing of the plane and flipped out, that would be tangible proof. Instead I have no viable reasoning for why I envisioned peeling the roof of the plane off like a tuna can lid. Since then I have felt the anxiety that starts the panic attack. In fact I'm quite embarrassed by the number of times that it has happened and where. I mean movie theaters? Really?
I've talked about them with my counselor to try and get a handle on them. I am getting a better understanding why they happen and what is triggering them but that doesn't stop them from starting and happening.
To add to the anxiety that I have been experiencing from the crap that I'm not allowing myself to talk about here I get to fly. This will be the first time since that fateful flight almost a year ago. I have viewed a DVD about anxiety with flying and I have a relaxation CD and I have pilfered (not exactly since they were donated by my lovely sister) some happy pills. Armed with these tools as well as the counseling and what I know to be true I will board a plane.
Oh, I didn't mention that this will be by myself and for work. So if a mid-flight freak out happens it will probably go into my personnel file. I should probably start popping those pills now huh?