Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Illusions of Age

This past weekend I went to a women's expo with three other friends.  Its funny because I was going to say three other girls, but then I look at us; Schmacey is a mother of three and doer of all things; Yennifer is a mother to one and a half (she's pregnant too) and a medical provider capable of prescribing drugs, and Schmaren is a local teacher of the year as well as in a committed relationship we're all ready to plan a wedding for (just need a question asked,that's all.) 
So I guess we're ladies and not girls, but I've know all of these girls for so long that they will forever be girls.  We will be in our 60s and they will still be girls and I might still call them my bitches. 

I had such a good time going up and down the isles of vendors selling cheap costume jewelry, organic hand made beauty products, totally expensive olive oils and infused vinegars (that are totally worth it) and plastic surgeons with breast implants we got to play with.  We walked as one group, an amoeba of chatter, blocking walk ways and not caring.  At times we paired off, getting stuck at booths or walking ahead and exchanging stories or laughing at the people eating chocolate covered bananas in the most inappropriate manner.  We stood in lines for free alcohol samples that Yennifer and I passed on to the non-pregnant people. Afterwards we had lunch and as if we hadn't talked for the last three hours in the expo, we talked some more.  It was nice and no one wanted to return to their normal Sunday afternoon. 

I sometimes feel all of my 34 years and other times I'm in a time warp of how old I am.  Am I 17 years old, snarky, and angry at the world?  Am I 28 years old, finally on the cusp of adulthood?  Am I 12 and struggling, with, well everything?  I wonder if this is how other women feel and do they feel this way all of the time.  Does my grandma who is in her 80s forget and think she is 15 years old again, before she met my grandpa (who passed away years ago) and giddy over the attention of her new boyfriend?  Does my mom still think she is in her 30s and raising her daughters too? Does the woman selling totally not cheap hair extensions at the expo think she is a 20-something model with her fake, sorry, synthetic hair pieces and clip on diamonds?

Honestly, I hope we do.  I hope to be confused about my age until I don't know how old I am.  It makes me feel young, until those flashes of things that make me feel old  (like Cee turning 13!).  I know that this past Sunday I felt 22 again.  Laughing and enjoying the company of girls who laugh at the same things I laugh at, who laugh at me and laugh with me.  I also love that we could quote Steel Magnolias lines for 17 miles. 

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