Wednesday, December 1, 2010

How it began

This is a bit stream of consciousness and well, maybe not so entertaining, but this is my story. Fuck, its my blog so I don’t need to apologize if you don’t enjoy the writing style of this post. Click next if its so annoying. Can’t be more annoying then someone that clicks next because they can’t follow a frigging story…..


In October 2005, while on birth control, I didn’t get my period. I called the doctor and they said take a pee test, if nothing then take this progesterone to induce a period, no big deal. I tested negative as expected and took the little itty bitty pill for 10 days and got my period. Bought another pack for the next month and the same thing happened. I called the doctor’s office again and the nurse gave me the same protocol. I said, “Why am I taking a pill (The Pill) to make me have a period but it’s not working…????” The nurse was confused. Oh, and it’s not like this was over one phone call. Hell no, this was over a series of voice mails. When I finally spoke to a real live nurse she was the one confused. I explained that the only reason (or predominate reason at least) I was on birth control was to actually regulate my period. I did wonder why I was continuing to purchase birth control on a monthly basis if it wasn’t doing what it was intended to do. She said, “Oh that happens.” I wanted to yell in my overly dramatic Phantom of the Opera shrill voice, “Well until your stop these things from happening, these things do not happen!” But instead I made the arbitrary decision, like I do (see here), that I would just stop taking the damn thing. We were in the middle of planning our wedding so I, very logically, decided to stop purchasing my birth control and invest the $40 monthly co-pay into our wedding. That $160 savings paid for at least 2 dinners! Best laid plans my friend….

So fast forward to July 2006 and the wedding is over and we’ve forced everyone to view all 362 photos of our honeymoon, minus a few videos not for family consumption. I decide that after 9 months of no periods, oh that and my annual was suppose to happen in July, I would go see my favorite gynie nurse practitioner. We She discussed the birth control options while she scraaaaaped my cervix. I held my breath and focused on the ceiling. By the by, my gynie nurse practitioner has clouds covering her florescent light panels, it’s very relaxing. I completely forget that my insides are being scraped clean with metal instruments and instead think that I’m flying. So anyways, we were gonna try something new, but I was reluctant since it didn’t seem to do much good before. Unfortunately the big C (::cancer::) thing happened and no one cared to talk about birth control with me then.

More to come.....

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