Set Backs and Theories

There is a good chance I jinxed the potty-training when I so wantonly bragged about The Boy's progress in that area.  This past Sunday morning we went through 3 pairs of super hero underwear and the last remaining clean pants and/or shorts in the house.  This was before noon. 

End of a hiatus puncuated by poop

So where have I been?  Well, you know that thing that we all struggle to get through?  Life?  Well it reared its ugly head and demanded attention.  But now I’m backed and armed with great stories! 

Playing catch up

I know its been a while and I am very sorry about that.  Things have just, well, gotten busy and crazy and stressful and good and bad and all the other stuff.  But here are some highlights that have been going on.

1. Big Boy Bed - that's right we got The Boy in a big boy bed.  We went the route where we left his crib bed (without the side so its not really a crib nor a bed) in the room set up as normal in case he wasn't ready for the new bed.  But from the moment we put bedding (that he picked out) on it he has been sleeping in his bed.  This weekend we will probably break down the crib (sniff and wipe tear) and set up his room.  I will then post pictures and everything. 

2. Potty-training - My baby who could careless about the underwear or the potty or anything like that a few weeks ago now stands up to pee and requests "panties".  Granted he needs a step stool and some times its easier to sit, but my baby is becoming a big boy and its happening so quickly.  Luckily, he still shits his pants like an infant so there's that. 

3. Work - holy hell its been rough few weeks.  When I'm done with this deadline I will reflect and hopefully have some lessons-learned, but until then I keep taking hits like a champ and counting down the days. There is a light at the end of the tunnel.

4. Family - My cousin and his family were in town recently.  It was kind of an unexpected visit and it was good.  Really Good.  It makes me wish we had more family around.  But like my cousin said in response to the begging to extend their stay and be with family, it makes the time together that much more special when we don't spend that much time together.  Touche.

5. We had an anniversary.  Juanito and me.  Seven years as man and wife and like 10 or something living together.  We are both looking forward to our seven year itch and trading up.

6. Crazy-ass weather.  I know I don't really have a fine appreciation for winter weather living in Arizona and all but seriously the whole climate-change thing is real and taking place here in the Valley of the Sun.  We had snow and rain and freezing temperatures and 90 degree weather all in like 3 weeks.  Anyways, just thought I would point that out.

Follow Up: Still Need Flame Thrower

So we attemtped the whole strip The Boy naked and hope for the best potty training technique last night. And this is how that went....

He came inside from playing in the sprinkler and Juanito went to change him out of his trunks while I'm following them through the house explaining this concept.  We decided to give a go.  I was still blabbering expressing my thoughts and concerns about letting a kid who can't control his bladder sit on my brand new couch when Juanito let him loose.  Balls and buns a swingin'  He prompty ran to the couch, climbed on with his entourage of blankets and stuff animals. I think I gave one last fretful sigh and we sat down to watch the evening news. 

Two minutes barely passed before he was up and wandering around.  Juanito asked what he wanted and I told him to be quiet cuz I wanted to see what he was gonna do with his new naked freedom.  Pretty soon The Boy with a diaper in one hand and his clothes in the other presented them to Juanito demanding to be dressed. 

Any other suggestions??

Set some shit on fire

Ok so lets embrace the mommy side of me for a moment and lets talk potty training.  Everyone has a cutesy story about how their kid learned how to go on the toilet.  In like a weekend.  Well pin a rose on your rose because that ain't happening over here!  When The Boy turned two we got all the essentials to start potty training.  Pulls ups (or the Walmart knock-off) and Big Boy underwear and books about peeing and pooping and potties or a step stool for every bathroom including one that would be used in public potties.  We were all stocked up and ready to go.  He expressed a little bit of interest.  Which meant he followed us into the bathroom Investigating exactly what we were doing in there. He followed the kids at day care to the bathrooom.  There was interest.  It was encouraging.  So we thought GAME ON!!  And then his interest stopped.  (Did we spook him??)

For one weekend he willingly participated in sitting on the potty every 15-30 minutes.  The closest we came to him doing anything in the potty (other than sticking his finger in the water every now and then) was when Juanito dumped the poop into the potty so we could finally flush something other than the three inch corner of toilet paper The Boy ripped off, dusted his junk with and then threw into the toilet.

Ever since then if you ask him anything about the potty the response is, "No." 

"You wanna go potty?"
"No."
"Are you sure?"
"No."
"How about if you just try?"
"No."
"Are you sure?"
"No."
"Wanna shoot fruit loops in the potty?"
"No."
"Wanna watch Daddy go potty?"
"No." (Good cuz Daddy didn't like peeing in front of the family, dogs included.)
"Wanna throw stuff in the potty?"
"No."
"You wanna go potty?"
"No."
"Wanna see if a magic fairy comes out of the potty?"
"No."
"Crackers!  There are crackers in the potty!  Do you..."
"No."

You're picking up what I'm laying down over here right?  No interest.  Its like potty is a trigger word for some emotional shut down!  We decided to fade out diapers (except for bedtime) and use only pull ups. 

That started out like a disaster.  He fought me to the point that we were both hysterically crying and one of us didn't have on pants or underwear. (I'll let you draw your own conclusions...).  And now that he is dealing with those, begrudgingly, it didn't have the effect I thought it would.  There is no new interest in his new pants or even a possible correlation to the potty.  He's like a honeybadger, he don't give a shit!

I've contemplated strapping him to putting him on the potty and making him sit there. But the kid won't even sit in the same spot for time outs I can't imagine him sitting on a stool that he has no interest in to do something that he doesn't seem to understand.  He is two and half and I feel like at this point we should start pushing the issue with him.  I read that we should just strip him down and let him wander around naked because it will make him more aware of his body.  I know that if you made me wonder around naked all the time I would be overly aware of my body.  But then again I can make the pee pee in the potty.  I can also poop in the potty.  Yep, I'm a big girl!  Don't mean to brag or anything...

So I digress.  Any thoughts from my very quiet peanut gallery?  How do I spark interest in the potty??  He is pretty stubborn and I'm afraid I need a big old flame thrower instead of a spark.

Its Not a Sprint, Its a Marathon

This Sunday we woke up with our regular routine of Disney channel and French toast. I thought, hey, why not start potty training today? So by the seat of our pants we tried it. I know that naturally you want to know some quick assessment of how the potty training turned out. I would love to say that after a day of potty training we’ve ditched the diapers but that would be a lie. A bold-faced lie. Honestly, I have no idea how to determine if this went well or not. We started with introducing the Cushie Tushie he got for his birthday as well as the potty books (mind you others might be pissed to get such practical gifts for their birthday but that’s how I was raised). We had him sit on his potty and talked about going potty and peeing and pooping. Then we set a timer, or actually figured out how the timer worked and then set it, and let him run around in just his pajamas, sans diaper. He held on to his junk for a brief time because fabric on your junk has gotta feel beyond odd after wearing a diaper for your entire life. After fifteen minutes we sat on the potty again. Nothing. Figured out how the time worked a little faster this time and set it again. We kept with this all day. He ended up going potty while playing in his toys and all I can say is I’m glad we have tile. He went through four pairs of pants before we gave up on free-ballin’ and decided to bust out the pull-ups. After lunch he went down for a nap in a diaper. When he woke up we changed his diaper and went right back to the 15 minute intervals with the pull-ups.

At one point, while I watched my husband try and coax our son to pee, I had a thought and shared it with the love of my life. I have been sexually active for about 14 years. I have never paid this much attention to a penis as I have this day. Watching it peak it’s one eye out over the rim of the Cushie Tushie, I willed it to pee. I must apologize to Juanito for not eyeballing his junk with such fierceness and hope in my heart.


I began to worry that we had created all this attention to the potty that he might get some level of anxiety about it and ultimately would stop pooping. This kid is pretty regular, at least twice a day and worst case scenario once a day. So when it was 4 pm and no poop, well I was concerned that I had ruined him forever. I started thinking about Freud’s theories about the oral and anal stage and how he does suck his thumb (my son not Freud but I bet he did too) have we jacked something up by forcing the potty training too soon? Too late? Too forceful? Is he gonna cut the heads off of bunnies when he is 14 because Mom and Dad made him sit on the potty against his will and talk about bulldozers and dump trucks in hope of pooping and/or peeing in the potty?? And if the mental frenzy wasn’t enough, every time I mention potty to him, I had to pee. We didn’t need to download the Potty Dance video from Pull-Ups cuz I was doing my own little version for him.

While working in the backyard, I hear my husband ask our son, “Do you need to go poop?” and then a rush of activity into the house heading straight to the bathroom. I didn’t want to over react and run after them because I was still struggling with my Freudian issues, so I hung back. But then my husband calls from the bathroom, “Uh, can we get some wipes in here?” I asked if he pooped and his answer of “kinda” made sense when I walked in to find my son on the potty, my husband holding him there and little plops of poop that have fallen out of his bum and pull-up onto the floor in front of the toilet. It was also smeared down my son’s leg. I want to take a moment here and let you all know that our dogs are doggie door trained and I haven’t had to deal with poop in the house and on the floor in a long time. So my initial reaction was delayed because honestly I didn’t know what to do, other than laugh. Juanito told me to grab toilet paper which snapped me back to what I was supposed to do. And I would again be lying if the warmth and weight of the bundle didn’t make me gag but I did get the poop in the potty and wiped our son down.

That was the closest to success we had on our maiden voyage of potty training. I read many articles last night about what to do. Apparently all of the advice….potty every 15 minutes, no diaper, no pull-up, the books, watch mom and dad, the cheerios in the toilet, the step stool, the pull pants up and down, well…these are things to work towards and not to be accomplished all in one Sunday. I took him to day care in a diaper because I’m not sure what the morning after is supposed to be like. But she will work with him too and I’ll keep reading. Everyone eventually learns to go in the potty so I guess I should find comfort in that right?

And while I’m not gonna say that he didn’t put his head in the toilet and sing a little song at the top of his lungs, I will say that he has no fear of the potty and has learned a lot.


1. He knows what the timer is for, well, kinda.

2. How to pull his pants up and down

3. Flushing the toilet while sitting on the potty is fun

4. Once you flush the magic is gone.

5. Toilet paper is to wipe your tush. We’ll work on not putting it in the trash once we poop in the potty.
 If I were to give advice to anyone starting this journey….it’s a journey, not to be accomplished in one day. Those people who say that their kids were potty trained in one weekend are lying bitches.