No Thoughts, Just Feelings

So I guess I need to write a follow up to this post.  As you can tell from my lack of enthusiasm, a cute little photo-reveal and general poopy attitude towards everything baby,

Thar Be Pirates Ahead!

This is total a Gangsta birthday pose.

So I know that you all are on pins and needles waiting to hear how the Pirate Party went. 

Lessons

Three years ago today my life changed forever with the Birth of The Boy.

The Big 0 3

Levi My Love,

My baby

You are turning three this week.  Three years old. Sigh.  It seems like just yesterday you were turning two and we were scared!   I wanted to be able to write some endearing letter to you that would

Space-Time Continuum

For this post I'm gonna go all Marty McFly on you and set your flux compacitator to 1997.  That's right 16 years ago on this date,

Still here

Oy, its Monday.  Again.  Its also colder than a witch's tit (as my Grandpa would have said) outside.  Its currently 3:30 in the afternoon

Final Thoughts on Friday

Its been a week from hell.  If this is any indication of how the rest of 2013 is gonna go, I would like to request a pass to the nurse. 

There's a Lesson Here Somewhere

Some things have happened lately that have been jumbling around my head and I know if it percolates long enough I will find the connection.

First I have made it a mission since I started therapy to really take to mind the Golden Rule. 

Naming conventions and distance

So the Christmas decorations are down and packed away. Alice, our Elf on the Shelf, is hibernating comfortably in her box until next year. The Christmas tree is drying out even further in the back yard ready to be cut into fireplace logs soon. 

Final Thoughts on Friday

1. my armpits hurt...strange but true.
2. I hate people who bash people based on political affiliations.
3. I hate Facebook for this reason but love Facebook for other reason.
4. Dreading going to dinner with the family at large since Juanito is out of town and we're dining at a restaurant.  With The Boy.  Please pray for me.

Clomid Chronicles vol 4

I typically blog in a post mortem style after each cycle.  This time I'm going to shake it up a bit and post before we know how it all plays out.  After successfully ovulating but not getting pregnant the last cycle, we did the same dosage of Clomid hoping for the same result but a better outcome.  This round was a strategic nightmare.  We were hesitant about doing it because the holidays are already insane we weren't so sure we were ready to throw in timed intercourse.  But we both agreed that we were closer than we have ever been so eff it.  Game On! 

When I started my temping chart it predicts when I could possibly ovulate based on my past charts.  Imagine my surprise when I realized that I could potentially ovulate on Christmas.  While we laughed about giving me the best Christmas gift ever, logistically it was a potential disaster.  You see Christmas Eve is spent at my parents' house where all my sisters and their families spend the night so that we all share Christmas morning together.  I love that, but I was not interested in getting it on in my parents' house with The Boy sleeping in the same room.  The potential for disaster increased when a week before Christmas The Boy got sick and then I did too which was all very dejavu-y.  Last cycle I got sick and the ibuprofen I was taking for the aches and fever masked the ovulation so we missed the first part of the window.  But this time I powered through - SANS DRUGS!  Then a few days later Juanito gets notice at work that there is a major job that needs to be completed before the first of the year and its out of town.  Awesome.

We agreed to take it in stride and do what we needed to do.  I continued to temp like a hawk waiting for that elusive temperature spike or EWCM.  I was a little all over the charts because of being sick and then we had a cold snap and we turned on the heater which changes up the temps.  But we were covering the chart, every other day, like rabbits.  But not at Mom and Dad's house.  Eww..

Then after Christmas Juanito had to leave again.  I had a feeling that I was going to spike while he was out of town.  Luckily the job was only a hour away.  So one night he made a secret tryst back home.  To have sex.  Like we're 16.  Assuming I was having sex when I was 16, which I wasn't!  Because I am me, I giggled a lot about the whole thing because it felt naughty and fun.  My hunch ended up being right and I ovulated around that time.  We had good coverage and we were waiting. But waiting means I'm thinking.  Over thinking.

I started thinking if we don't get pregnant this time we are inching our way closer to the 2013 holidays for a due date Do we want to have a baby then?  Juanito and I talked about.  We both weighed in our pros and cons.  Then I went to my doctor.  I told him our thoughts.  He completely, 100% supports our decision to wait 4-6 months. I love him.  He is an amazing doctor.

So there is it.  If we're pregnant than YAY!  If we're not, then we're taking a break.  Hellva New Years Resolution, huh?

I go back and forth between how I feel about it all.  I mean I don't want to have a baby around the holidays.  One of the benefits (and before Scorpio or Sagittarius gets all bent out of shape I need to find the benefits of TTCing because its not like we get to have a birth control whoops or anything so let me have this).  Anyways, the benefit of TTCing is that I can pick and chose, to an extent.  Because if I could have really picked I would be pregnant right now.  I digress. The other benefit of waiting is that I will take the time and lose some weight.  It has shown that it could increase our chances of ovulating on our own.  Depending on how much I lose I might be able to use less Clomid which is healthier for me.  It will mean that when I do get pregnant, it should be a healthier pregnancy.  All good reasons to wait.  But all I can think of "Too Fat to Function."  That some how this is all my fault.  If I was thinner it would work.  If I could handle The Boy being two better then I would be able to get pregnant.  But now I am on edge so often with him and its like a sign.  If I was better equipped as a mom to handle him then I could have another baby. 

All thoughts that I will share with Dr. Curmudgeon.  When is my appointment with him again....